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Amicem perdidi

Amicem perdidi

Adam, I owe you this. I do not know if the title should not sound: Adam, where are you … (sic!)

He was a young priest with whom I worked. I will skip the name. Not because of the protection of any personal data or some shameful content, the more that they do not exists – on the contrary. If you read this and knew him, you’ll guess, if you did not know him, listen few words to about this person, if you can be so kind.

I owe it – i repeat, because it’s important. He committed suicide. Priest and suicide, the phrase by itself sounds idiotic. Young – 33 years old. And regardless of whether you already know who it is, or do not have a clue, you will not avoid questions and guesses – why (likewise the author of this text). It is impossible. And how to avoid speculation? The more that nobody really do not know.  This memorization wants to be an epitaph. A good man passed away, or rather someone who was a Good. And believe me, you would like your surroundings to consist of this type of people. You would feel almost like in paradise. Faithful and pious in the most positive sense of the word. Hence surprise, not astonishment. He was man who gived away what he had to the needy. He also gave himself away. Both in the material and spiritual sense. Type analysis – suicide is a sin, weakness, but we forgive, makes us as shallow as so cowardly and impoverishing to.

And that’s it.

There would not be so many questions if we were talking about someone who was in some kind of trouble, he wanted to run away from something … I do not want to sound pathetic, but we are dealing here with some kind of an sacrifice for sins – not his, I must add. The comparison is purposeful and please do not speculate that this is like in the case of the syndrome of Christ known to psychiatrists. To someone who did not know Adam, it will be difficult to take up polemics. I will try, therefore, a theoretical analysis. From a Christian point of view, at present, the burial is not refused in such cases. Here, the achievements of psychiatry and psychology have come into success and was helpful, where incomplete responsibility is assumed if the affect is quite strong. Historically, such a person was, by definition, referred to as the condemned. However, even without the help of the above-mentioned sciences, this approach to the matter puts an end to the mercy of God, making him a cold casuist. The same was done with the unbaptized. Well, there are also a lot of like-minded people today. With this reflection I feel obliged to say – Adam, it is my fault that I was not by your side. We pass by those who we consider to be confidants of our ills, burden them with our own problems and forget that they can have them as well.

I hear the view that taking their own life is a weakness and cowardice. This is too simplistic, because not doing it with the accompaniment of analogous thoughts can also be a manifestation of lack of courage. Depression – it just the word for anything we don’t understand and afraid to. A bit like a phrase – instinct, which we use in any case of any animal behavior we do not understand. Well, I’m speculating. Didn’t I say it was impossible? Thinking about suicide as a sin is the aftermath of interpreting God as a feudal lord to whom can not be opposed, we only justify doing so if we have lose our minds – expressing the topic colloquially. This is the residual radiation from the time when suffering was considered as a value in itself, and not something that happens. Not only should we put up with them, but even rather seek. Hence the glorification of martyrdom and asceticism. We forget that even Jesus prayed, Father, if possible, take this cup from me… Briefly speaking – the worse, the better. Somehow, non-theological sounds words saying: a person mentally healthy takes his own life and it is not his fault.  This is not enough to negate all of his life – I am begging you, such God doesn’t exist.

And reflection on death.

To dying is like to wake up in the morning. No matter when you wake me up, I do not want to get up. The only condition is to sleep well and awaken by yourself. Therefore, each of us should want to die, but only when the Dying will took place (not necessarily physically). This is the final act of freedom. I do what I want and need. If I will die right now, I want it. For anyone who wants to save their lives will lose them. For God’s sake, read with understanding.

Rest in peace.

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